The History of ARC and a Timely Timely Reminder.

Another big fair and another timely reminder from someone with 2 (two) watches … making me a virtual expert on mixed reality time and reminders. PLUS you should know .. my report cards ALWAYS said that, “Blissy is a lovely girl but she tends to be a bit bossy…” I was MADE to REMIND people.

OK .. fair .. ARC!!! What is ARC? In Second Life it is when someone comes into a space and sucks all the life and bejesus out of everyone and everything so that we all stand their naked and unable to move or speak while they sparkle, emote, and take over the world. I am not exaggerating. Death to ARCers.

Arc is very very bad. There is a reason we call people our ARCh enemies. Because there are so many people asking me everyday … “Bliss, you beautiful fashionista you, could you just tell me a little bit more about ARC?”…. I decided to tell. Ok we are going to get very technical here so please be upstanding and insert pocket protectors.

History of ARC (OR The Story of “A” – as I like to call it): Even in the beginning when no-one believed it existed .. It did … and owing to its evil evil nature it tried to hide behind spellings (ark)and pronunciations (ars) but I have a university degree in ARCing and spent years in solitary study (hall – well technically I was in there to reflect upon my bad behaviour with all the other kids in detention but we couldn’t talk so it was kinda like being alone) Early religious texts tell us there was light and there was dARK. DARK is not good. It is scary and allows for monsters to get under the bed. ARC was a dark ominous cloud looming over the world … just look at Noah and his ARK – probably the earliest recorded encounter of how ARK can sneak up on you unawares. ARK causes rain … lots and lots of rain.

And then God tried to confuse everyone by making a rainbow ARC and I think that was the beginning of bling and people ignoring the danger of ARC. Certainly skittles were born then and of course the whole gay movement. And who does not love the gays and candy? See how it got confusing?

Then the angels started to sing and hARK all over the place and it is no wonder those that know have been warning us about the dangers of music and how it plays with our minds – even the angels were sucked in. ARC controls our minds and when played backwards has subliminal messages in it.

ARC spread forth on the land and became frozen and grew polar bears, ate people’s fingers, toes and faces, and sheltered bad people who came to club seals. It forced cute little birds in little tuxedos to march endless miles just to get laid …. ARCtic and antARCtica spread their icy fingers of ARCiness. It tried to hide but Darwin found it – a strange land with big lizards and something about his relatives the monkeys and then a bunch of nuns and him fighting which later my grandfather joined in on even though no-one asked him to … ARChipelago. ARC causes strife and fighting.

We had various MonARChies – like one that created his own religion, had sex with a bunch of women and then had them killed. Today we call that “psychopathic serial killer.” Today we have a MonARCh that is always stern, wears strange hats and has a son that wears a skirt. It then evolved into AnARChy and I would explain it but I am just confused …… ARC does that to you … makes you insane, disordered, and confused. (not necesssarily in that order)

ARC evolved over the years, creating willy nilly damage and taking prisoners along the way. Today we see it in many things:

Parallel PARKing – ever tried it – ARC makes you drive over curbs and flunk tests.

StARChes – makes you get fat, but pulls you in cause it tastes good .. seductive little bastard … ARC is a dress that does make your ass look big.

ScARCe – almost fooled you right? Different pronunciation – same smarmy thing though – that is not having enough … cause Arc has a big warehouse – probably in the ARCtic with all our stuff in it .. that we deserve and don’t have …. ARC does not share nicely.

BARK – may not be worse than a bite unless it is all night, all day , 7 days a week and in your neighbours house. ARC makes you buy poison and dial community numbers and report things.

SnARKy – this is when the bark becomes bite and someone takes your head off or says something so mean it makes you cry. ARC is a bully and abusive.

ShARKs – eat you with big teeth when you least expect it. They wreck your surfboards too and make reallly bad movies. ARC is a c-grade actor in a fish costume in a cheesy summer flick.

TelemARKeting – random people phone your house and pretend they are your friend so they can lure you into seductive conversations about rates and holidays you just won … a trip to the ARCtic for you and your loved ones, for just 300,000.00, you pay the airfare and your drinks are free.(one way only) You get a free tour of the seal clubbing and a souvenir club to take home. Now if that caller was sitting in front of his computer somewhere in his underwear and calling you to ask such intimate questions we would call him a “pervert.” ARC is perverted.

Then came SL and people started adorning themselves with ARC and going forth amongst the crowds and pouring jello everywhere that we had to wade through. They ruined our hunts and hurt our eyes. Well folks I am tired of sitting in my little space in SL and randomly trying on clothes I can never show anyone because when I go out to play I have to either be a puff of smoke or look like “Condom girl” in some kind of body suit that you pull over your head, paint green and paint sparkles on so you feel “special.” just to counteract the AardvARKs out there. SHE is out there dressed to the nines sparkling and poofing and emoting and dancing with chickens hanging off her butt … how is that fair? I paid for all these beautiful clothes and now I have to look like Condom girl???? That’s like going to an ice-cream store and ordering lowfat, non-dairy, sugarless, artificially flavoured vanilla with liver. What’s the point? It’s all a bunch of malARKy to me.

What can we do?

Encourage the thieves to be environmentally conscious in their work .. If they would just agree to only copy and duplicate only those items with low ARC .. we would be a long way in our fight against the dreaded stuff/thing . …. whatever …

Have a “low-ARC-looks like a condom pulled over my head – suit” burning in your neighbourhood. Get everyone to brink their cloud hairs and eyes, their condome suits and BURN BURN BURN!!! Organize a protest, invite all the SL important people (they are the ones with the signs over their heads saying how important they are, or they say “busy” or “don’t IM me.”) and burn the suits. Be free …. wear your nice things.

And finally, the most important step, start a blog naming the ARC violators … target their homes with protests and demonstrations. Write nasty messages on bathroom walls about them. Gather mobs to bash them up when you see them. This is serious folks. Don’t worry about sufficient facts to back up your accusations – SL has a long track record of acceptable behaviour on this – just name whoever – ex partners you hate, competition, that bitch that stole your boyfriend .. Name them all … might as well do a through house cleaning … and we will all feel sooooo much better.

End of reel (please remove pocket protectors, be down-sitting, and resume your normal activities ….)OH … and go to the hair fair .. I have been banned but there is no reason you should not go and have a good time ….

~ by blisswindlow on July 2, 2011.