Rules of thumb (as in thumb in bum, mind in neutral) for Photo Contests!

Funny how some things never change. Recently I have heard a lot of grumbling over SL contests – particularly photo and modelling and so I thought it might be timely to reprint my helpful advice. Ok the advice may not be helpful but while you take the time to read this you hopefully have put down the mouse and are not clicking more photos or buying more outfits to enter something … AND it may give you some time for the wine haze to really fog over and ease the pain.

What I have been hearing about photo/model contests:

They suck.
They are fixed from the beginning.
I no longer enter any of them.
It is a scam.
They just want you to buy their clothes.

(And that was just me …. )

You can overlook any of those with a sour grapes defence …. But again, taking away the subjective nature of choosing a favourite photo, there is certainly some validity in the collective experiences of several people who I genuinely believe to be decent good people who are disillusioned with SL photo contests and ….very very bitter….. and some of them …. drunk …

So I have gathered the many “sharings” into a handy dandy list for you to print off and carry with you in your bra … (or that of your nearest and dearest bra wearer who does not mind sharing her bra with you …)

TIPS:

Put a little sticker on your computer that says … “I take pics cause I like to.  I enter contests as a way of stretching my talents.  I will not be a weenie and cry when I lose … again ….”

Do not tell your friends about the contest because those cows will enter and they might win and then you would have to delete them from your friends list and that would take your friends list down to just your alt and your mom ….

Flood the blogging lanes with blogs to make the contest announcement disappear so no-one sees it. If anyone asks, tell them the prizes suck …. point them towards Amway, or the lotto,or email letters from Kings in Africa who need help with their banking….

Ignore all the rules that are sent out and do what you want. There is another set of rules that the winner is given. In fact, write to the organizers and ASK if you can have a copy of the other set of rules. This might also be a good time to ask what else they would like you to do in order to win.

Never believe them when they say “No photoshop – this is not a photo-editing contest.” It is always a photo-editing contest.

Never believe them when they say they are looking for a fresh avi … get an old avi, make sure you look like every other model and wear sunglasses and a big brimmed hat … you are sure to win. Come-on people what we look like is one of the easiest things to change .. this is just another line telling you … “we are having a contest, we will make tons of money from you all buying our outfits and putting us in your picks and then when we announce the winner is my sister’s friend, we will give her 1/10th of what we made … maybe .. No wait … 1/6th.” (overhead you know).

Forget what the closing date is, that will be changed to accomodate their friends trip to Disneyland. (note who is gone to Disneyland … write down the name … find somewhere that takes bets and bet the whole wad on them winning …)

Take the closing date and add two months on to it to allow for the disappointment of the organizers that they have not made as much money as they hoped and they need time to bribe invite more people to enter the contest. Then add on two more years, a sudden disappearance, a court case, and a trip to Never Never Land where you will Never be awarded your prizes should you win.

Don’t tell any of your sane, thinking friends, that you have entered another photo contest.

If you ignore the above, practice saying with a straight face that why yes ,you did buy the 8 outfits required, the 3 skins, 2 sets of eyes and you love them all … and yes they cost you $15,000L and yes the prize is $1,000L, an outfit, a skin and a set of eyes … what’s their point?

When all else fails take pictures of gauzy fairies in flower fields.

Never underestimate the cute factor. Hold a cuddly lamb in the picture. Pet a bunny …

Have everyone you know visit your picture in flickr and comment on how beautiful it is .. Have them say things like … “I just wandered in …” “You don’t know me but …” and “OMG you must be the most under appreciated photographic genius in SL…” Have them make up fake awards and post them all over your flickr page.

Find out if any of your friends know the designer/store etc …. Have them plead your case with complete tact and decorum .. If that fails .. Have them plead it with complete abandon and unashamed begging. After that fails, move to threats.

DO NOT rush out and buy a bunch of other clothes/skins/eyes/furniture from the store or blog endlessly about it in hopes of winning … you have simply made the store/designer more money so they can have another contest in which you will not win. AND they are laughing hysterically … at you … and using words like “pathetic.”

Send your pic in on the last day …. That way they won’t get used to seeing it or get bored with it and discount it in the judging. This will also prevent anyone from unashamedly copying your pic but making it “prettier.”

Look at what everyone else has submitted and see which one has had the best responses and unashamedly copy it but make it “prettier.” Make sure you find the profiles of these people in SL and make a note on them that these people are either stupid or they cannot read as they missed the point above.

Go on flickr to non SL sites and steal their ideas, submit them as your entry.

POST CONTEST TIPS:

Remember to delete that store from your picks the moment the winner is announced. Don’t punch the keyboard … you may need it later to write nasty notes ….

Throw all their gosh ugly gear into the trash and empty that puppy.

Put on some “Slit your wrists” music and get your tears out of the way, concealer concealer concealer … and for heaven’s sake DO NOT voice with anyone for a couple of days.

DON’T post your pics on FLICKR now under the caption “loser Pics” however appealing that might be to your deep need for sympathy at the moment.

Take a deep breath before going and looking at the winners … close the windows and doors … safely remove pets, small children, and large husbands out of harms way …. And click slowly ….

DO NOT write to the organizers and ask them “why?” … they can’t answer that question … on the grounds it might incriminate them …

Do NOT take out the rules and re-read them .. You are not crazy … the winning pic did break every one of them ….you will only make it worse … like picking at a scab….

Don’t ask what the pic has to do with the product … who can explain that scary place deep inside every one of us??

Suck it up and look for the next contest … you are sure to win that one ….

~ by blisswindlow on June 29, 2011.