Promise Yourself – You Do Not Owe Anyone Your Soul.

You can have the best intentions, you can do everything you are asked and more, you can always be there, you can always take the higher road but sometimes, when people lie, misrepresent, abuse or use you …. It is time to let them go.

People waste themselves – their talents, their time, their energy with people that do not take responsibility for themselves, who use other people and who do not really care about you at all. These people are geniuses as making you feel responsible for their short comings and always laying the blame at your feet. Don’t get caught up in it.

There are blurred lines in life and they are perhaps some of the most dangerous lines for human beings. You want to be loving and forgiving – you also do not want to be abused. You want to be helpful and kind – you also do not want to be drained. You are happy to help and share your talents, hard work, ideas and advice – you do not want someone else taking credit for them. You want to give water from your own cup to those who are thirsty – you need someone to care when your cup is almost empty.

This is when the right brain thinking becomes dangerous because it is acting without regard for the input from the left brain – logic and facts. We have to learn to be whole brain thinkers and not just surrender one side to the other. Break it down to this … how do you feel right now? If the answer is “miserable,” then the next question is, “Is there anything more that I can do to change this situation with this person?” If your answer is to do more of what you already are doing, the answer is “no.” Nothing is going to change this because YOU are not the problem. The other person is the unknown quantity that you have no ability to control.

Sometimes, even when you do not retaliate a person forces your hand insisting that you close the door. Close the door. There is no sense taking a higher road when the person keeps trying to drag you back down in the mud with them.

This is not to say the other person is all wrong or all bad, but the other person has a set way of behaving, that despite your best efforts to communicate that it is not acceptable, continues to do so. It is really not personal – as much as you might think it is. It would not matter who was standing in your shoes right now – they would probably be doing the same things with that person and probably already have done it before. The fact your previous attempts to address the issue resulted in no change in behaviour is proof that this person’s behaviour habits are ingrained to the point where they are habit and these kind of habits are the glue that keep our dysfunction in place.

When someone is impervious to your need for give and take, equal work load distribution, equal respect, equal responsibility, equal emotional time and attention for both of you, you have to look at their narcissistic nature and realize this person may not be capable of a productive, grown up relationship. YOU have a right to be happy, to be loved, to be appreciated and respected in all your relationships. Whatever you choose to do, you cannot be left feeling like you must always care for the other person at the cost of your own well being and surprisingly – this also applies to business as well as personal relationships. You cannot be a diminished you because it makes the other person feel better about themself. Your choosing a healthier environment and relationships for yourself actually go a long way towards healing this in society. These negative, draining relationships carry a weighty toll on all of us and they go on because we allow them to. We become prisoners of being made a victim. BUT, like so many things, we have to give our permission for this to happen. We do that by overlooking one thing after another until we look around and see there is only darkness .. Somehow we left daylight and happiness far behind…

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~ by blisswindlow on July 6, 2011.

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