Ask Auntie Bliss about Table Manners and Sharing the Mirror.

Auntie Bliss would like to thank all those who have written with their scintillating ideas and offers that have involved strange objects, penguins, my attending them and their naked bodies while they show me rashes, warts, appendages and “the magical love wand.” Unfortunately, my nurses uniform is unavailable until further notice .. Something about it being critical evidence and NDA or AND or DNA or something…..

Dear Auntie Bliss;

My teenage children have terrible table manners is so embarrassing. I can hardley stand to sit at the table with them … they chew with their mouths open, eat with their fingers, put their elbows on the table … this is not the way they were taught. What do I do??

Well … have you considered that maybe the obstacle giving them difficulty is the table itself? I just throw food onto the floor for my teens …no plates, no utensils. I tell them not to worry their mouths are actually close enough to their food they can just lick it up …. and if they use their elbows it is quite convenient to just kick those puppies out from under them … faceplant ….

If that doesn’t work then I recommend trading place … abandon the table to them and you move to the floor … it is cooler down there in the summer anyway …

Dear Auntie Bliss;

My boyfriend is such a douchesicle. He is so self-centered because he is always looking at himself in the mirror and thinking he is hot. I get lots of offers from other guys and they notice me so why can’t he stop looking in the mirror for 5 minutes and pay more attention to me? I don’t even think he is that hot really. What should I do?

Is it male menopause? Cause some men do suffer hot flashes you know? You really cannot presume to tell someone else that they are not hot when they say they are. Have you taken his temperature? I recommend a rectal thermometer. This can accomplish a couple of things .. One you can definitively prove his body temperature … honesty is the first step towards recovery from any problem .. you can show him the thermometer and say “nope ..not hot at all ….” and two … you might find his head up there while you are at it and then you could help excavate it …This could be a meaningful intervention that bonds you for life ..

Auntie Bliss would also like to announce that I have had to cancel the sock puppet play featuring Binky and Winky .. the anatomically correct sock puppets in a pseudo shakespearian, anne rician, james bondian. mr beanian thriller about how babies are made ….

Binky’s penis fell off and has been irrepairably damaged ….

keep those questions coming …


~ by blisswindlow on July 6, 2011.

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